I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
