go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
