My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
