I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
