Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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