Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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