I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
