Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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