Umm I'm too high to move.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
