The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
