Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
