wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
