I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
