I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
