I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
