Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
