So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
