This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
