What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
