Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
