He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
