He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
