I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
