I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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