well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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