apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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