escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
