shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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