no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
