A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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