Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
