I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
