i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
