U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
