I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
