So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
