I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
