Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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