i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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