Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
