i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
