I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
