never play flip cup with pint glasses
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
