OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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