i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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