I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
