im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
