Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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