just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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