And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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