nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Boobs are out for the taking
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
