So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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