I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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