okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
