you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
