We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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