I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
