yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
