i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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