I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
