She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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