I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
