im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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