He disabled his match.com account in front of me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
