I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
