the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
