You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize