My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize