I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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